Love is Life

For those who know me, I recently graduated from beauty school and am a NY licensed esthetician. An esthetician is someone who performs facials, waxing, body treatments, and sometimes makeup. They occupy jobs at spas. Well, I became one so I can get a much better job than working at a store, such as Mandee. Please, don't remind me. I honestly think for all you Mandee shoppers that they are doing illegal stuff, such as a New York State law broken: If working during a five hour period, you may have breaks ten minutes in each hour or have a full thirty minutes for your term. At Mandee, every seven hours you get thirty minutes... and that's it. I shouldn't complain because at Pretty Girl, you only get thirty minutes lunch for your work period and if the new shipment comes, you just lost your lunch and have to get up and organize the clothes. That really sucks. Slavery. It's upsetting how these people have no love for others. Love is the only thing that makes your life better.

I have a hard time loving people. Like the people from middle school and high school who have dumped a heaping dose of racism on my shoulders, to the people from Word of Life how they would screw with my mind about God, sex, and living life, and finally to my time at beauty school when there were days I wanted to quit because of extreme favoritism, constant blames, and feeling like I wouldn't succeed in life. I felt like crap.

Like, how can people do that? Where is the love? Why do people make a big deal about attitudes? Why must I be forbidden from sex? These questions pop up in my mind so many times. I have a really hard time letting go from my bad times. I talk a lot about how I felt hurt by my teacher or constant story time to my boyfriend about what happened to me at Word of Life. And honestly, everytime I talk about that, I don't have love. I have hate. I want to hurt them. I want to eat them for dinner. I want to say they don't deserve to live. But, being the way I am, I don't. It's fear mixed with compassion. I'm afraid to hurt them because after I whack them, I would feel like a monster. A hatred monster. A continuous carry on of hatred.

Love is what gets me by through life. God's love, my mother's love, my sister's deep hidden love, my family's love, my boyfriend's love, all for me. I do love them, but honestly, if I don't love other people, then I don't love my loved ones, and myself. God tells me to love my enemies. Without love, people wouldn't survive. I know I wouldn't.

I don't get it, how can you love and hate someone at the same time? It's a horrible feeling. I want to love, love, love. I need to stop asking questions. I need solutions. I need to love others more. That would be my choice of path. I love you, whoever you are. Maybe we'll never meet, but I want to let you know that I love you and God takes you to a good walk. Yes, maybe that would make my life easier.