Ignorant Asks and Says People Throw About the Bronx

It is sometimes intimidating when someone asks me if I live in the city. Like, what does that determine? That I have an education and well-off? Go to Pelham Parkway and Throggs Neck, sucker. Sometimes, I lie and say I live in Westchester; that really shuts them up. But, when I say I live in the Bronx, it's like you just opened a packet of instant oatmeal, I'm a criminal. I'm stupid, hopeless, and will forever live the stereotype. Here are the top asks and says people tell me out of transparent ignorance.

1. Q: Are there trees in the Bronx?
A: Yes, idiot, there are. I see them through my window, as well as Pelham Bay Park, the largest park in New York City. Sorry, Central Park doesn't cut it; it's dirty in my opinion. We also have the Bronx Zoo, which is also the largest zoo in New York City and the New York Botanical Garden, where there are trees, flowers, and preserved wildlife, not a toxic dumpsite disguised with a pretty name.

2. Say: I'm going to 86th Street. That's all the way in Uptown Manhattan.
A: No freaking duh. I totally know where 86th Street is, and 42nd Street, and Park Avenue, and Rector Street, and Maiden Lane, and all those streets your overrated island has. Even if you live in the "outer" boroughs, you have to know how to get through Manhattan. If you don't, you need to get out more. At least I get passed 96th Street.

3. Q: Have you seen anyone getting stabbed?
A: No, I've never seen anyone getting stabbed.

4. Q: Have you seen anyone getting raped?
A: No, I've never seen anyone getting raped.

5. Q: Have you ever been mugged?
A: No, I've never been mugged.

6. Q: Have you seen anyone getting killed?
A: Gosh, what is up with these violent questions? No, imbecile, I've never seen a violent action except for fist fighting in the Bronx! No one's robbed my purse, raped me, nor done anything to hurt me.

7. Say: Our local from New York said if we stay past 7:00pm, we would get robbed because we are white.
A: Are you freaking kidding me? What kind of people live in 187th Street and Arthur Avenue? Italians. What about Pelham Bay Park? Albanians, Greeks, and Jewish. Yes, there are still Jewish people here! Throggs Neck, Country Club, Silver Beach, Riverdale, and Pelham Bay Park have what the majority would call the "white" race. You will be fine, geez.

8. Q: Have you seen anyone getting arrested?
A: Yes, I have, and I've also seen it in Manhattan. You can't escape crime.

9. Say: There are more homeless people in the Bronx than Manhattan.
A: Wrong! Go to Union Square, SoHo, and anywhere in the downtown Manhattan area. There are many homeless people asking for food and money. In the Bronx? Not so much. We have shelters and city funded housing called the projects. You won't believe the difference.

And, the most ignorant question of all time...

10. Q: Is the Bronx dangerous?
A: It's not 1977 anymore. It's 2010. Get over it and come here.

Please come and take a visit. Edgar Allen Poe's house is here, as well as what was once the largest movie theatre in the world, along the lines of the street with the most wondrous buildings you'll ever see. This is the beautiful Bronx!