Church is the Tool for the Week

I'll admit, I haven't gone to church in about about two months. I didn't go because I felt like the people in church would never accept me. I had some serious self-esteem issues. It's true that you will NEVER find the perfect church. You will NEVER escape from the hypocrisy. Of course, I prayed before I went to bed, but I felt that it wasn't the same. I felt further from God. I told Him that I felt further and asked Him to show me how to be closer to Him. He said I needed to go back to church. It didn't matter what the people thought of me. I have a pastor who understands me and my family. My pastor is like an uncle to me. It's been that way since I was a child. He's seen me grow up to this teenage-looking adult you have today. Even through my punk rock phase, he's never rejected me and told me he loved me. Even when I dropped out of WOLBI, he's never ever held it against me. He prayed for me. I am so thankful to have a pastor like mine. But, most importantly, that God placed him in my life.

Today, I went back to church with a new heart. I don't go to church for the people. I go to church to learn about the Word. There will always be sin in the church, but there will never be anyone to stop me from going. We've got to be children of peace. How else will we do it when we're not on the Word? Gosh, it's only once a week that we get to hear someone preaching.

Then, through that time of my absence from church, it had me wondering why we blame our unfortunates on God. Whenever something bad happens, it's God's fault. Can we please grow up? Humans have the tendency to put the blame on someone else. I am at fault; sometimes, I blame my sister. But, if we blame everything on God, how can we love Him? So, church is an excuse because of the people? We've got to let go of this eye mask, and it isn't cucumbers, it's cement. We've got to break free from this thinking because it's selfish. You've got to like it, love it, need the Word. You've got it want it like babies crying for milk. It's not the people that display God, it's you reading His Word and having faith.

Sure, not everyone is going to like you in this world, but God will always love you no matter what. You can kill someone, and God will still love you and forgive you. No joke. If the Word says anything otherwise, please let me know. If not, then shut up because you're lying! God is everywhere and seeing everything we do. Don't put words in His mouth!

From all this, it swirls me to think about my time at WOLBI. Ever since I've quited, I grew a hatred towards them. I hated their theology and felt that they were a cult. Honestly, I still believe they are a cult, but I feel God telling me that I need to ask for forgiveness. The day I dropped out was one of the worst days of my life. God had me there for a reason, and I chose to do it my way. That's my pastor's catchphrase: I WANT IT MY WAY!!! Just as he sings it with his operatic voice. I can't hate them forever. Maybe God doesn't agree with some of their teachings, but He still loves them. I feel like calling Mrs. Garland or Mrs. Gray and ask for forgiveness for my actions. Today in church, I realized what the authority figure is. Though I felt WOLBI really exaggerated that idea, I realized that wherever we go, we need someone to tell us what to do in order to be knowledgable. I don't know if one day God will say that I need to go back and finish. If He does, He will tell in a humorous way, like He always does.

God is not stuffy; He's funny! He loves to see us smile! Church is a tool because without it, how will we structure our week? What will we reflect our week on? I love what the pastor said today: He said he went to a retreat in Upstate and a pastor there told him that he was thankful to not be a pastor in New York City. My pastor said he was thankful to be a pastor in New York City and not him. He said being a pastor here was a priveledge. How else will the people of NYC learn the truth without a pastor to start a church? Would we all turn Times Square into porn nation again?

You'll be seeing me in church more often. I really should start passing out tracts. I love God and I'm glad He showed me that I should go back. Don't blame your unfortunates on God. You will be blind and depressed forever.

In Christ alone, my hope is found. He is my light, my strength, my song. This cornerstone, this solid ground, burned by the fiercest drought and storm. What heights of love? What depths of peace? When fears are stilled, when strivings cease. My Comforter, my All in All. Jesus commands my destiny!

"For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God's will, than for doing evil"- 1 Peter 3:17 (ESV)