How To Make Butter

Step One: Go to the supermarket and buy butter. Wait, but then we might accidentally pick up the dreaded margarine or the tub of "spread" because it looks like butter and it might somehow convince us that it tastes like butter. Margarine and "spread" is NOT real butter, no matter how much you want to argue with me. They're made by hydrogenating polyunsaturated vegetable oils, such as soybean and corn.

You see, polyunsaturated oils are unstable oils and remain liquid at room temperature. If you take a look at coconut oil, it is a solid at room temperature because it is a saturated oil. And yet, in the processed food industry, I ask myself why I see labels featuring hydrogenated coconut oil. Why?! It is already stable at room temperature! It doesn't need any further processing! Yes, I'm looking at you Mentos!

Hydrogenation is when creepy scientists take a genetically Monsanto modified soy or corn or cottonseed oils and add more hydrogen to make it stable, which means solid at room temperature. When you go to the health food store, you will see pure flax seed oil in the fridge? Why? Because it is a polyunsaturated oil and it is not stable even at room temperature! The corn and soy oils are poisonous to eat straight from the supermarket because they're in broad light all day. The solution by the crazy scientists is to hydrogenate the oil to make it stable and won't get rancid easily. But, by doing so, it increases the rate of, let's say, diabetes. Doctors totally want to ignore this, no matter how tough the truth is. Oh yeah, it'll also make you obese just by listening to your doctor.

Talk to your doctor about why you're so fat and can't lose weight. Yes, go ahead, ask. They will never help you! I don't trust doctors anymore, honestly. They're a bunch of quacks who love petroleum.

What is the solution to all this menace? Please, don't rip your precious hair off your head. Make your own butter. Yes, it is possible to make. The entire human race has survived with full fat unpasturized milk, and for some reason, no one has died from heart attacks. Butter is good because it is a natural process nature recognizes; not hydrogenation, which is made by a bunch of scentists doing their sciency things. Since when did scientists determine what we should eat? Just like how they're adding TBHQ and BHT in our foods. Yuck! Sick petroleum. You might as well drink the thing. Go ask a scientist how petroleum tastes like.

Now, here is the beautiful recipe that I myself do. Your best bet is to go to the supermarket and get the ingredients. I get mine raw, unpasturized, and unhomogenized. So far, I didn't have an e. coli poisoning, I didn't suffer major diarrhea, and I didn't vomit. Real milk tastes creamy and sweet. It's delicious! And so is real butter. You can salt it yourself or add garlic. You can do so many! And, you know what is in the butter. No worries of added ingredients that are being kept a secret by the mean food corporations. Let's make butter!

One cup of heavy cream. The heavier, the better.
Salt, optional. Celtic sea salt is best.
Wooden spoon
Large mixing bowl

Step One: Pour heavy cream into bowl.

Step Two: Beat the heavy cream with the spoon. It may take a while. If impatient, use an electric mixer. Warning: It may be very loud and will make your father angry for waking him up while sleeping.

Step Three: Beat, until the mixture separates liquid from solid. At this point, using a wooden spoon is best because the liquid won't splatter everywhere and you get more liquid out.

Step Four: You know when the third step is complete is when the solid naturally forms itself into a ball. It kind of gives you the message that it doesn't owe anything anymore. Ha, ha, ha... By using the sides of the bowl, squish the butter with the wooden spoon until it no longer squirts liquid. Do Not ignore this because the butter will go rancid easily if there is still liquid remaining in.

Step Five: Collect the liquid into the bowl. Congratulations, you have made buttermilk. See, you can make two in one! Now, you can use it to make buttermilk pancakes. Yum!

Step Six: Store the butter into a clean container. Add salt if you would like by adding a dash and mixing it in with a spoon.

Yay! You made butter! It's ultra fresh and tastes way better than supermarket. You will feel one step closer to the earth. Butter is good for you! Of course, don't overdo it, and you will have a beautiful toast to eat. Have fun and make sure to stay away from evil hydrogenated oils!